I know. Haven't posted in way too long, but I needed to share this. As if anyone needed it, here's yet more proof that I am insane. Particularly when combined with my friend Mick.

Me: Oh, some screwed up facts. Did you know Rush Limbaugh was once Ambassador to India?
Mick: lemme guess. Limbaugh was fired after he told the Indian ambassador, "Take a bath. You smell like curry."
Mick: it's what I'd expect from a guy who once told a black caller, "Call me back after you remove that bone from your nose."
Me: Not quite. The trick to it was that Rush Limbaugh, the commentator, is actually Rush Limbaugh III.
Me: His grandfather, Rush Sr., was Ambassador to India in the 1950s.
Mick: >_<
Mick: DAMN YOU AND YOUR TRICKERY
Me: Hehehe...
Me: See, this is why I can only be trusted fully on alternate Tuesdays.
Me: Just be glad I didn't ask you to guess the rank of the world's highest ranking penguin.
Mick: Emperor?
Me: Colonel-in-Chief.
Me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nils_Olav
Me: Emperor, by the way, was an excellent response.
Mick: let's ask Nils Olav for advice on the Iraq war. it'll be better than the advice we're currently getting
Me: Heh. Honestly, we could ask a *Insert whoopie cushion sound here so as to make this acceptable for all ages* rock and get a more cohesive strategy.
Me: Asking a commissioned penguin? That's a huge improvement.
Mick: I assume he'll say something about ice and fish.
Mick: *snaps fingers* THAT'S IT!
Mick: I just figured out how to win the Iraq war!
Me: Does it involve cutting down the mightiest tree in the desert with a herring?
Mick: the way I see it, Iraqis are always pissed off because of how damn hot it is and because their per-capita incomes require them to take out a loan in order to buy a Coke.
Mick: they're hot, thirsty, and hungry. a trifecta that would make anyone pissed off.
Me: Not to mention they wandered the desert for thousands of years and never once stumbled across a knock-knock joke.
Mick: therefore, we should get lots of ice and fish and deliver it to Iraqis, free of charge.
Me: Like the Berlin Airlift, but this time with refrigeration.
Mick: exactly!
Mick: my suggestion would be that we get the fish from the fisheries in New England (there's always lots of fish there) and the ice from Canada (since it's their primary export).
Me: We'd of course need to couple this with economic incentives for the fishermen.
Mick: and at the same time ensure that we don't run out of fish or ice from either source. global warming unfortunately has reduced Canada's ice supply
Me: So we couple this with the "Saran Wrap the Ozone Layer" idea, and bam! No more global warming, no more war in Iraq, and we even create more jobs for the returning soldiers.